I’m tired, really tired – could drop everything now, let it all go, and rest. But no, I must fight this – this heaviness cannot beat me.
I have an essay to write, then contracts to seek, but the essay must come first. I feel as though a very slow pendulum is swinging to and fro above my head, sending messages one by one down my spine, messages that could easily overwhelm if the swinging sped up. Steady, one step at a time – drink coffee, play with the beasts, another coffee and open the files, think carefully, plan slowly and just type. Fingers on the keyboard, eyes following the words, slow and steady. Just keep going. I can do this. Hand over hand, grasping for roots, placing my feet carefully on the vertical pit walls. I have a life, dammit. I just need to find it again. Disorientation, dizzying fog, confusion and apathy cannot beat me back – just breath, and grasp those roots. the grinning and the staring by culpeo fox